An unrelated picture from Meadham Kirchoff. I wish wearing veils was socially acceptable and not so drenched in mysoginistic symbolism.

I watched some Toddlers & Tiaras this afternoon. Beauty pageants are wrong, so wrong. Let alone that abyss of sexualisation that they willingly throw their precious daughters into; do these parents not see that the “confidence” these girls gain (that resounding justification for the whole sick process) is based entirely on their looks? Their painted- and sprayed-on looks?
I can see the impending dysfunction of self-esteem. The little girls do not know any better, but their parents most definitely should. Toddlers & Tiaras has fostered a loss of hope in certain subsets of humanity.

My philosophy course came to an end today. It was the most intellectually stimulating three weeks of my life. Just as I was starting to hum along to the siren song of the world of dance, academia starts calling me back. The dance vs. university decision is proving enormously difficult.

Furthermore, it fuels much guilt to know that my most salient problem is essentially having two conflicting talents and not knowing which to pursue. And perhaps ‘talents’ is used loosely here. Chasing the perfect hundred in pink satin shoes bowed down to chasing the perfect hundred with hyperbola and pi, which bowed down to stagnancy, angst and the disillusion that perfection doesn’t, has never, and will never exist.

I shan’t punish myself for being cynical. Displeasure with one’s circumstances is a sign of evolutionary fitness; it motivates towards change.

I will, however, do something nice, without the trail of self-deprecation for enjoying a bath or baking or something else as deliciously mindless. I need to cheer the fuck up.